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This is a sample (ep1 ch3) of the English translation edits being applied to the PS3 port of Umineko. All text is a work in progress and may change at any time. To comment, advise or discuss, please see our contact info at PS3 Port.

Old (Witch Hunt translation)New (Revised translation, tentative)
Notes
The four of us cousins were enjoying our stories, just shooting the breeze.The four of us cousins were shooting the breeze over all kinds of topics.
Anyway, there are both girls and guys here.  Plus, we've got people over a wide spread of ages: adult, high school, and elementary school.After all, there are both girls and guys here, plus, we've got people over a wide spread of ages: adult, high school, and elementary school.
Even though everyone was only telling his or her personal story, the other three were listening attentively.All each of us had to do was talk about ourselves, and it would be of great interest to the other three.
Translation fix. These three lines are now much more cohesive and logical; they justify each other, in particular "after all" rather than "anyway", tying these lines together instead of creating a break in flow.
"I think I'm finally getting used to all this."I think I'm finally getting used to all this.
  Jessica and Maria have grown more than I could've imagined in the past six years. I mean, Jessica and Maria, you'd both grown more than I could've imagined over the past six years.
The people in the room currently are Battler, George, Jessica, and Maria. Unless Battler is addressing George directly and not the group (which he's not; they are having a group discussion), the use of their names here in passing rather than addressing them directly is very strange. This should be an address.
  To be honest, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable, but talking like this, I guess that on the inside, nothing's really changed since back then." So, to be honest, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable, but talking like this, I guess that on the inside, nothing's really changed since back then."
"I agree."Same back at you.
Jessica's speech has been made more casual and slangy. (In this case it's actually more literal too, so it works twice as well.) She's a bit quicker to use mild curse words (damn, hell, ass, etc.). This is in accordance with her Japanese use of plain form, slurs/contractions like ねぇ instead of ない, and frequent use of ぜ. Although WH made a grimoire note that Jessica speaks roughly/in a masculine way, this was often not reflected in her speech, with Jessica often using rigid formal expressions.
  Battler, even after six years you haven't changed a bit. Even after six years, you haven't changed a bit.
  Even though your body's gotten gigantic, you're still a kid inside." Even though your body's gotten gigantic, you're still a kid inside."
"Uu-!"Uu!
ー in Japanese is a long vowel mark (it extends "u" into "uu"). WH kept this in as a hyphen (-), but this is not a valid use of hyphen in English, so we have removed it. We use extra vowels where necessary to indicate a longer sound length.
  Maria's a kid too! I'm a kid too!
Maria's use of her own name to refer to herself is a trait of childish speech in Japanese, but English is different -- using your own name is not a trait of childish speech in English. We've deleted this to make it more natural.
  Maria's a kid too!" I'm a kid too!"
"Well, even you aren't gonna be a kid forever, are you Maria?"Well, even you aren't gonna be a kid forever, are you, Maria?
  I mean, you're growing from being a kid to a cute young lady, aren'tcha? I mean, you're gonna grow from being a kid to a cute young lady, aren'tcha?
  And when that happens, that flat-as-a-board chest'll be on Jessica's level, huh~? And when that happens, that flat‐as‐a‐board chest'll be on Jessica's level, you kno~w?"
  When that happens, let me rub it, OK?  Promise!!""When that happens, let me rub it, OK? Promise!!"
"Uu-!"Uu!
  Let you rub it! Let you rub it!
There's only one space between sentences now, not two (see the start of the line). Double spacing may have been important for the original monospaced presentation of the VN, but not anymore. Double-spacing is nowadays frowned upon by most professional typographers for proportionally spaced text, and the modern novels and books I've read are not printed with double spacing. It seems a lot of people, particularly in America, were taught to use double spacing, but research should reveal that this is not the recommended approach in modern times. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentence_spacing_in_language_and_style_guides for a breakdown of various style guides on this issue, which pretty much unanimously agree on single spacing, and those that provide no comment "themselves use single sentence spacing in their text".
  Promise! Promise!
  Uu-!" Uu!"
"N, no, Maria-chan!"N‐no, Maria‐chan!
Comma is no longer used to indicate stuttering of a partial word. This previous approach is uncommon for English and I suspect partially inspired by an over-literal copying of the Japanese use of comma (bad idea for previously stated reasons). We now use a hyphen for stuttering of a partial word. This also has the advantage of disambiguating two cases which would have looked like this originally: "I, I didn't know!" and "I, it wasn't me!" -- where the capital "I" in the second sentence looked identical to the first sentence, but confusingly was not intended to sound like "eye" but "ih", the first sound of "it". Now, they will look different -- "I, I didn't know!" vs. "I-it wasn't me!"
  You can't make that kind of promise, that's bad, bad, bad!" You can't make that kind of promise, that's bad, bad, bad!"
"Uu-?"Uu?
  Maria promised, so let him rub it! I promised, so let him rub it!
  Maria'll keep her promise! I keep my promises!
  Definitely keep it, uu-!!" Always keep them, uu!!"
It seems more likely that she is speaking generally.
"...Mariaa, you're a really earnest, good girl..."...Mariaa, you're a really earnest, good girl...
  The guy you marry's gonna be really lucky." The guy you marry's gonna be really lucky."
"Just a..., getting back on topic here, you're not gonna be keeping that promise!"Just a—Don't try to smooth over the topic with the promise intact!
TL fix. Also, the combination of "…," is poor English grammar -- this combination never occurs in our script.
  Maria, that promise never happened! Maria, that promise never happened!
  Never!" Never!"
"Uu-."Uu.
  Promise is cancelled? Promise cancelled?
  Uu-......" Uu......"
"As I thought, without Battler-kun in our little quartet, it just didn't feel like all the cousins were here."I realize now, it really didn't feel like a proper gathering of cousins without Battler in our group, did it?
  These six years have been kinda lonely." These six years have been kinda lonely."
"...That's true."...That's true.
  We weren't able to goof off like this. We weren't able to goof off like this.
  Still, we did have have some pretty constructive conversations, don'tcha think? Still, we did have some pretty constructive conversations, don'tcha think?
English grammar typo fixed.
  Stuff about preparing for our future, exam-taking, or finding jobs." Stuff about preparing for our future, exam‐taking, or finding jobs."
"Oo~ooh, I'm sorr-rry!"Oo~ooh, I'm sorrryyy!
  Now that I'm here, there's just this stupid babbling~!" Now that I'm here, there's just this stu~pid babbling!"
We try to position wave-dashes where they make sense from a sound perspective. The use of ~ is a bit ungrammatical for formal English, but it's at least seen a little bit in slangy internet English, whereas hyphen for this purpose is hardly ever seen. We decided to keep most of the uses of ~.
"But, Maria's having fun this year."But, I'm having fun this year.
  Uu- uu-!" Uu‐uu!"
The dash/hyphen in the middle is kept as an actual dash (incidating a pause/break in speech/sound). The one at the end is meaningless and removed.
"That's true."That's true.
  I agree, this year's the most fun." I agree, this year's the most fun."
Maria's sincere words probably spoke for everyone. Maria's sincere words probably spoke for everyone.
When George-aniki stroked Maria's head, she giggled like a happy kitten...When George‐aniki stroked Maria's head, she giggled like a happy kitten...
"......Pardon me."......Pardon me.
  Your meal is prepared." Your meal is prepared."
A timid knocking sound and an equally timid young woman's voice came through the door.A timid knocking sound and an equally timid young woman's voice came through the door.
Jessica answered brightly.Jessica answered brightly.
"Shannon, come in!"Shannon, come in!
  You remember Battler, don'tcha?!" You remember Battler, don'tcha?!"
Jessica stood up from the bed and opened the door.Jessica stood up from the bed and opened the door.
There stood a servant girl who was definitely about our age.There stood a servant girl who was definitely about our age.
"I-it's been quite some time since we last met, Battler-sama."I‐it's been quite some time since we last met, Battler‐sama.
  It's nice to see you after six years.  I'm Shannon." It's nice to see you after six years... I'm Shannon."
Note that because there was no period in the Japanese, there was no (mouse) click anywhere in this line to advance the text. The fact that a period was inserted here meant that it became inconsistent whether or not there will be a click after a period, which makes clicking through dialogues feel a bit arbitrary when half the periods do have clicks and half don't. We now try to avoid inserting periods-without-clicks into the lines unless it's absolutely necessary.
Trembling a little, she acknowledged me and bowed deeply.Trembling a little, she acknowledged me and bowed deeply.
"...Ah...!"...Woww...!
"Ah" sounds surprised. "Haaa…!" in the Japanese sounds impressed.
  Jessica had me surprised, but Shannon-chan! Jessica had me surprised, but Shannon‐chan, you've shocked me just as much...
  You've turned into a total beauty too, haven't you?!" You've turned into a total beauty too, haven't you~?!"
"Y...your words are too good for me...""Y‐......your words are too good for me......"
"Bu~t, the food on this island must be reeeally nutritional, right?"Se~riously, the food on this island must be reeeally nutritional, right?
  What are you eating, where are you training, to get boobs that big?!! What are you eating, where are you training, to get a chest that big?!!
  Guess I'll have to feel 'em a bit and see whether yours or Jessica's are bigger, oka~ay?!" Guess I'll have to feel 'em a bit and see whether yours or Jessica's is bigger, oka~ay?!"
"Chest" vs. "boobs": this is an Alchemist PS3 censorship(?) edit. (Why'd they have to go and do that?) These will be optional in the final release -- however, opting not to use the Alchemist edits will of course mean that text doesn't always match the audio, and in some cases, may come with issues such as unvoiced lines, if Alchemist deleted a line from the script for whatever reason and didn't voice it. The Alchemist edits are pretty minor, so for a consistent experience where you don't need to deal with lines randomly being unvoiced, I would recommend using them.
With both hands poised and saliva dribbling from my mouth, I closed in!With both hands poised and saliva dribbling from my mouth, I closed in!
......For the sake of my honor and justice, ......For the sake of my honor and justice,
I'd like to point out that I don't suffer from some strange disease that makes my lymph nodes itch until I scratch my neck open and which can only be prevented by rubbing breasts. I'd like to point out that I don't suffer from some strange disease that makes my lymph nodes itch until I scratch my neck open and which can only be prevented by rubbing breasts.
It's just my Battler-style way of communicating.It's just my Battler‐style way of communicating.
If I slowly close in on her like this, odds are eight or nine out of ten that I get slapped or clobbered, right?When a boy closes in on a girl like this, nine times out of ten they get slapped or clobbered, right?
He says シーン, so he's talking about the general trope. Also, "eight or nine times out of ten" is a Japanese fixed idiom that shouldn't be translated directly into English but should use the closest idiomatic equivalent.
This is a Battler-sama original technique which'll lead to a gag like that and break the ice!This is a Battler‐sama original communication technique, aiming for a gag like that to break the ice!
.........W, well, that means I really do get to touch them on that one-in-ten chance though, right?.........W‐well, that means I really do get to touch them on that one‐in‐ten chance though, right...?
Ihihyahyahya, like I really expect that'd ever happen?!!Ihihyahyahya, I'd never ask for that much thouuuugh~!!
At that point, my hands were less than a centimeter away from Shannon-chan's boobs, but......the counterstrike had yet to come.By now, my hands were less than a centimeter away from Shannon‐chan's chest, but......the counterstrike had yet to come.
She blushed and lowered her head in embarrassment when she realized what was going on,She understood what was going on, and she was blushing and had her head lowered in embarrassment,
 but she just stood there with both hands politely joined in front of her, not even trying to resist or cover her breasts. but she was just standing there with both hands politely joined in front of her, not even trying to resist or cover her breasts.
...Whoaaaaah, I wasn't planning on this!!...Whoaaaaah, I wasn't planning on this!!
P, please, hit me right now!  At this rate I'm seriously gonna...?!P‐pl‐please, hit me right now—at this rate I'm seriously gonna touch themmm!
This sentence wasn't cut off in the original Japanese.
...Which is why I was glad that Jessica chose that time to drive her elbow into the back of my head....Which is why I was glad that Jessica chose that time to drive her elbow into the back of my head...
"Guaaaah, ooooowww, thank you Jessicaaaaaaa~!!""Guaaaah, ooooowww, Jessicaaaaaa, thank youuu~!!"
Wording put back in the Japanese order so it aligns with the voicing. Obviously the highest priority is readability, but there are cases like this where there is just no good reason to deviate.
"W, w, why the hell are you thanking me?!"Wh‐wh‐why the hell are you thanking me?!
  ???" ???"
"No, no, my bad, Shannon-chan."No, no, my bad, Shannon‐chan.
  Looks like I got a little too absorbed in your hypnotic chest... Looks like I got a little too absorbed in your hypnotic chest...
  So now we can see that if I get too close I degenerate into a big pervert after all. No, more to the point, when someone gets that close, they've clearly got criminal intentions!
This one's a combination of an Alchemist edit and a translation error in the first place. More the latter than the former.
  Seriously, you've got to resist!" Seriously, you've gotta resist!"
".........B, but, ".........B‐but...
.........you are...an important guest, Battler-sama......"......you are...an exalted guest, Battler‐sama......"
"Now look here, a pervert's a pervert whether he's a guest or not!"Now look here, a crime's a crime whether I'm a guest or not!
Alchemist edits. Originally it should have been "molester" rather than "pervert" -- it was "chikan", not "hentai".
  Ten centimeters around a girl's chest is like an Air Defense Identification Range. Ten centimeters around a girl's chest is like an Air Defense Identification Range.
  If someone trespasses within two centimeters, that's already an invasion of airspace and you can immediately give me a slap, like a high-alert takeoff!" If someone trespasses within two centimeters, that's already an invasion of airspace and you launch a slap to the face on high‐alert!"
Made the metaphor more clear.
"............I-I couldn't do such a thing...!"............I, I couldn't do such a thing...!
  We are......, ...that is, furniture and..." We are.........that is, furniture, and..."
Of course she didn't want her breasts touched, but..., if a guest so desired, she intended to sacrifice her own needs in response anyway.Of course she didn't want her breasts touched, but...if a guest so desired, she intended to sacrifice her own needs in an effort to accommodate them.
...A girl like this needs some urgent protection...!...A girl like this needs some urgent protection...!
"...I-in these days, to think that there's a dedicated and virtuous girl like this..."...I‐in these days, to think that there's a dedicated and virtuous girl like this...
  Getting... giddy again!... It makes my head spin...
Metaphorically! Not literally!
  ......But, no! ......But, no!
  NooOoo!! No, no, nooo!!"
  I'm coming at her with a perverted face again!"I come at you with a perverted face!
  Someone trip me!! You smack me down!!
  No~oo, pervert! "No~oo, pervert!"
  Without your word, I can't settle down!  Please, I beg you, smack me! You gotta complete the joke or it doesn't work! Please, it's a polite request, smack me!
  Like this, smack! Like this, smack!
  Hit meeee~!!" Smaaa~ck!!"
The translation of this entire section was completely wrong before. Battler isn't giddy, stumbling and heading towards her in an uncontrollable bumbling show of idiocy -- he's describing what he wants to happen in an excited way.
"I............I cannot obey your request."I............I cannot listen to polite requests.
  Because I'm furniture. Because I'm furniture.
  ......But,  ......But,
............if it's an order, I'll obey you. ............I will listen to it if it's an order.
  ...Because that is my duty." ...Because that is my duty."
"Ahaha, then I'll make it an order."Ahaha, then I'll make it an order.
  The next time Battler-kun tries to touch your breasts, counterattack with a slap. From now on, if Battler‐kun tries to touch your breasts, you are to counterattack with a slap.
A bit more commanding in a "programming your behavior" kind of way. Suits こと more.
  Alright?" Alright?"
"......Y-yes."......Y‐yes.
  I'll do as you wish. As you command.
Very formal.
  From now on, please allow me to do so. That is what I will do from now on.
  Battler-sama, please accept this..." Battler‐sama, I hope you can keep this in mind..."
More TL fixes.
Shannon-chan announced this while bowing elegantly to me.So Shannon‐chan declared, while bowing elegantly to me.
Her facial expression was radiant.Her facial expression was radiant.
I gave her a thumbs-up to signal that it was OK with me.{n}I gave her a thumbs‐up to signal "you got it".
Again, this is actually materially different. Battler is approving of her ability to stand up for herself, not saying "sure, I can deal".
"Six years ago, you might've been mistaken for a servant's daughter who lent a hand at your parent's work,"Six years ago, you might've been mistaken for a servant's daughter who lent a hand sometimes,
 ......but now you're a full-fledged adult servant. ......but now you're a full‐fledged adult servant.
  How many years has it been?" How many years has it been?"
"Yes,"Well,
 I've had the pleasure of serving this household for ten years." I've had the pleasure of serving this household for about ten years."
ほど (about) missed.
She's 紗音.She's {p:0:紗音}.
  ......The kanji for her name are read as "Shannon". ......The kanji for her name are read as "Shannon".
This is another far from typical name for a Japanese person.{n}This is another far‐from‐typical name for a Japanese person.
We now hyphenate adjectival modifiers.
Being a kid back in those days, I had taken in her name without paying it much attention, Being a kid back in those days, I had taken in her name without paying it much attention,
but despite the fact that she is not a member of the Ushiromiya family, she still has this unusual name. but for her to be called something like that is pretty unusual given that she isn't even a member of the Ushiromiya family.
...Maybe it's like a servant's 'professional name' or something....Maybe it's like a servant's "professional name" or something.
...If so, I can kind of understand why that Kanon-kun's name sounds the way it does....If so, I can kind of understand why that Kanon‐kun's name sounds the way it does, too.
She's a long-term servant who's served here since she was six years old.She's a long‐term servant who's served here since she was six.
6っつ rather than 六歳, so we killed the "years old".
Since her body had changed radically, she didn't match my memories, but I got acquainted with her six years ago.Since her body had changed radically, she didn't match my memories, but we used to know each other six years ago.
This is materially different too. This line does not say when he met Shannon.
It looked like she was just as shy she had been in the past, but I got the feeling that the charm befitting a girl her age came naturally to her.It looked like she was just as shy she had been in the past, but I got the sense that she had become imbued with the charm befitting a girl her age.
Especially her breasts, her breasts.Especially her breasts, her breasts.
"That kid we met earlier, Kanon-kun, is her little brother.""That kid we met earlier, Kanon‐kun, is her little brother."
"...He's not exactly my little brother..."...He's not exactly my little brother...
  Still, he loves me like a big sister. Still, he loves me like a big sister.
  ...He didn't cause you any trouble, did he?" ...He didn't cause you any trouble, did he?"
"Haha!"Haha!
  He's the same as always. He's the same as always.
  It's such a shame that he doesn't act just a bit more sociable." It's such a shame that he doesn't act just a bit more sociable."
"...It seems Kanon-kun has caused trouble...  I apologize......""...It seems Kanon‐kun has caused trouble... I apologize......"
Note that we have a space after "…" in the case that (and only in the case that) we are starting a new sentence. This helps compensate for the loss of the Japanese difference between … and 。 (full stop), which are both period characters in English. (We tried using an ellipsis too, but it looks ridiculous with the amount of dots Ryuukishi uses.)
"He didn't cause any trouble at all!"He didn't cause any trouble at all!
  As a fellow man, I understand how moody you can get at that age. As a fellow man, I understand how moody you can get at that age.
  It's no surprise that he's unsociable!" It's no surprise that he's unsociable!"
"Uu-!"Uu!
  Maria gets called that all the time too! I get called that all the time too!
 Gets called unsociable! Get called unsociable!
  Like Kanon! Like Kanon!
  Uu-!" Uu!"
"*giggle*,......Maria-sama is not unsociable at all.""*giggle*......Maria‐sama, you are not unsociable at all."
She is *talking* to Maria. It's completely invalid in English to use the person's name like this while you are talking to them directly. It makes it sound like she is talking to someone else. We have made sure to change these into proper forms of address.
"Uu-?"Uu?
  It was nice to be like him... It was nice to be like him...
  Uu-." Uu."
"Umm, you said the meal was ready, right?""Umm, you said the meal was ready, right?"
"Ah, ......Yes!"Ah, ......yes!
  I'm sorry! My apologies!
  ...The preparations for your meal have been carried out, so I shall be accompanying everyone to the mansion." ...The preparations for your meal have been carried out, so I shall be guiding you all to the mansion."
Shannon bowed again formally and returned to her "duty mode".Shannon bowed again formally and returned to her "duty mode".
We realized that if we made her stick around for any more light conversation,We realized that if we made her stick around for any more light conversation,
 it would actually make it harder for her to do her job.  We got up off our butts to avoid interfering with her work any further. it would actually make it harder for her to do her job, so we got up off our butts to avoid interfering with her work any further.
"Then, shall we go to the mansion?"Then, shall we go to the mansion?
  Everyone's probably hungry, right?" You're all probably starting to get hungry as well, right?"
"Yeah."Sure am.
  I'm really looking forward to Gohda-san's food. I always look forward to meals when Gohda‐san's here cooking.
いる時の indicates this is a general statement (not just this one occasion).
  That guy, seems he was a chef at this famous hotel, so he's super good at cooking!" That guy, seems he was a chef at this famous hotel, so he's super good at it!"
"Ooooh!"Oh‐hoh!
  I'm looking forward to it!! I'm looking forward to tha~t!!
  Let's go Maria! Let's go Maria!
  We're gonna stuff ourselves like pigs!!" We're gonna stuff ourselves like pigs!!"
"Uu-!"Uu!
  Stuff ourselves like pigs!" Stuff ourselves like pigs!"
"No, no!"No, no!
  You just can't take everything Battler-kun says seriously, OK? You can't just take everything Battler‐kun says seriously, OK?
  Because it's all jokes. Because it's all jokes.
  Alright, let's go." Alright, let's go."
Under Shannon-chan's guidance we headed towards the mansion.Under Shannon‐chan's guidance, we headed towards the mansion.
Met once again by the magnificent rose garden, we continued onward as it came into view...the intimidating mansion of the Ushiromiya Head Family.Met once again by the magnificent rose garden, we continued onward as it came into view: .........the imposing mansion of the Ushiromiya main family.
The number of dots has been adjusted to remain exactly inline with what PS3 uses. Note that large amounts of dots will be less annoying/screen-filling here than they were in the original monospaced release, because of the proportional font.
It had apparently been built shortly after the war, so you could feel the dignity of almost a half century hanging about it.It had apparently been built shortly after the war, so you could feel the dignity of almost a half‐century hanging about it.
On the surface, the building was gorgeous, but being as old as it was, the equipment such as the AC seemed quite frail.On the surface, the building was gorgeous, but being as old as it was, the equipment such as the AC was seemingly quite frail.
According to Jessica, midwinter was especially tough, what with all the drafts.According to Jessica, midwinter was especially tough, what with all the drafts.
...It's not like they couldn't just take the #86ef9ckotatsu#ffffff out....It's not like they couldn't just take the {c:86ef9c:kotatsu} out.
As we entered the entrance hall, an aged servant greeted us.As we entered the entrance hall, an aged servant greeted us.
Now him I remembered.{n}Now him I remembered.
As the most senior member of the staff, Genji-san (源次) served as the head of the servants.As the most senior member of the staff, Genji‐san ({p:0:源次}) served as the head of the servants.
"............Battler-sama, we have not met in a long while.""............Battler‐sama, we have not met in a long while."
As our eyes met, he saluted us with a composed voice.As our eyes met, he saluted us with a composed voice.
He didn't give quite as refined a bow as Gohda's, He didn't give quite as refined a bow as Gohda's,
but even so, and even though it felt rustic, it was a bow that had feeling. but even so, and though it felt rustic, it was a bow that had feeling.
"Genji-san, it really has been a while!"Genji‐san, it's been absolutely ages!
More casualized! To fit with Battler's っす.
  You look well." You look well."
"Thank you, I have been quite well..."Thank you, I have been quite well...
......Battler-sama, you have become a splendid young man. ......Battler‐sama, you have become a splendid young man.
  .........You have grown to resemble the Master in his youth." .........You have grown to resemble the Master in his youth."
"I'm looking like Grandfather?"I'm looking like Grandfather?
  I guess that means that Grandfather was pretty popular when he was young, Ihihi!" I guess that means Grandfather was pretty popular when he was young, ihihi!"
No random capitals after a comma.
".........From here on, I shall take Shannon's place and accompany you.".........From here on, I shall take Shannon's place and accompany you.
  Please, come this way." Please, come this way."
Shannon-chan bowed deeply and saw us off.Shannon‐chan bowed deeply and saw us off.
Leaving the entrance hall, we headed to the dining room under Genji-san's guidance.Leaving the entrance hall, we headed to the dining hall under Genji‐san's guidance.
Genji-san, just like Kumasawa-san, stood in stark contrast to us young people who had grown beyond recognition over the last six years.Genji‐san, just like Kumasawa‐san, stood in stark contrast to us young people who had grown beyond recognition over the last six years.
His figure was exactly the same as in my memories of six years ago.His figure was exactly the same as in my memories of six years ago.
It seemed like time had stopped since the last we met.{n}It seemed like time had stopped since the last we met.
Genji-san was a silent and diligent person.Genji‐san was a silent and diligent person.
He was like Grandfather's close aide or caregiver, {n}He was like Grandfather's close aide or caregiver,
......in fact, you could even go so far as to say he was Grandfather's right-hand man. ......in fact, you could even go so far as to say he was Grandfather's right‐hand man.
Actually, it seems that he was by Grandfather's side more than my late Grandmother was.Actually, it seems that he was by Grandfather's side more than my late grandmother was.
"It was Dad who said" <-> "It was my dad who said". Note the change in capitalization. This applies for all such terms.
According to Jessica, Grandfather trusted him more than any of his blood relatives.According to Jessica, Grandfather trusts him more than any of his blood relatives.
But I wonder how long he's served.But I wonder how long he's served.
I've never heard the details, but I'm pretty sure he's been here since the beginning, when this mansion was constructed.{n}I've never asked for details, but I think I heard he's been here since the beginning, when this mansion was constructed.
...That is to say, he had dedicated half of his life to serving here....That is to say, he's dedicated half of his life to serving here.
  ...In other words, he's both trustworthy and faithful. ...No wonder Grandfather trusts him.
わけ indicates this explains something, so, "no wonder".
As we cut through the open-ceilinged hall behind Genji-san,As we cut through the open‐ceilinged hall behind Genji‐san,
......I found something I had no memory of from six years ago.......I found something I had no memory of from six years ago.
It was an awfully big portrait hung right in front of the stairs that rose to the second floor.It was an awfully big portrait hung right in front of the stairs that rose to the second floor.
Without thinking, I stopped walking, under its spell...Without thinking, I stopped walking, under its spell...
Since I'd suddenly stopped, Maria, who was following behind me, ran into my back.{n}Since I'd suddenly stopped, Maria, who was following behind me, ran into my back.
"Uu-?""Uu?"
"......Aah, sorry."......Aah, sorry.
  ...Hey, Jessica. ...Hey, Jessica.
  Did that picture used to be there?" Did that picture use to be there?"
"It used to" vs. "It did use to" (no d) and "Did it use to" (no d). Grammar fix.
I pointed at the big portrait that caught the eye, hanging in the hall.I pointed at the big portrait that caught the eye, hanging in the hall.
  Everyone else stopped too.{n}Everyone else stopped too.
"...Aah, ...Right."...Ahh...right.
A comma implies it's not the end of a sentence, so we would never have that ", …Capital" combination.
  When you last came here, that hadn't been hung yet, had it? When you last came here, that hadn't been hung yet, had it?
  When was it again..." When was it again..."
"I think, "I think,
......If my memory doesn't fail me, I think it was around the year before last." ......if my memory doesn't fail me, it was around the year before last."
"............You are correct."............You are correct.
  In April of the year before last, as it had been arranged, the Master ordered an artist to paint it and it was put on display over there." In April of the year before last, the Master had this painting put on display, which he had instructed an artist to paint for him some time prior."
TL fix. The painting was not painted in April.
"Grandfather did that?"Grandfather did that?
  So, he went out of his way to have it drawn..." So, he went out of his way to have it drawn..."
The portrait was appropriate for this western style mansion, and that woman wearing an elegant dress gave off a sense of refinement. The portrait depicted a woman in an elegant dress, who gave off a sense of refinement, and who seemed to suit the Western style of this mansion.
Western gets a capital, as do Eastern and Japanese. Also slight TL fix (it's Beatrice who looks appropriate, not the portrait).
.........I couldn't have guessed her age, but judging by her obvious strength of will and the sharpness in her eyes, she radiated youth..........I couldn't have guessed her age, but judging by her obvious strength of will and the sharpness in her eyes, she radiated youth.
It was a different feeling than the composed mood of middle-aged women that are often in famous pictures.It was a different feeling than the composed mood of middle‐aged women that are often in famous pictures.
If this woman had normal black hair, I might have thought it was a portrait of my long-deceased Grandmother in her prime.If this woman had normal black hair, I might have thought it was a portrait of my long‐deceased grandmother in her prime.
However, the woman in the portrait had beautiful blonde hair and didn't look Japanese at all.However, the woman in the portrait had beautiful blonde hair, and didn't look Japanese at all.
"So."So.
  ......Who is she then, this woman?" ......Who is she then, this woman?"
To that naive question, Maria, as though trying to prove that she knew it herself, answered me with authority.To that naive question, Maria, as though trying to prove that she knew it herself, answered me with authority.
"Uu-!"Uu!
  Maria knows. I know.
  She's Beatrice!" {f:5:Beatrice}!"
"Bea,......what?""Bea......what?"
"......Beatrice."......{f:5:Beatrice}.
  She's the witch. She's the witch.
  Didn't you ever hear about her, long ago?" Didn't you ever hear about her, long ago?"
"The witch."The witch?
  ...you mean,  ...You mean...
The fact that it begins with … doesn't mean we're not starting a new sentence. It gets a capital.
............of this island?".........of this island?"
...I think I already said this, but Rokkenjima is a small island that only spans about ten kilometers....I think I already said this, but Rokkenjima is a small island that's only about ten kilometers around.
全周 vs. 全長 talks about the circumference rather than the length. This could have been a Ryuukishi error; I remember there were some changes made to the original Japanese scripts with these two nouns.
However, considering that only the Ushiromiya family lives here, that's quite large.However, considering that only the Ushiromiya family lives here, that's quite large.
So, only a harbor and the site around the mansion were set up to be lived in.So, only a harbor and the site around the mansion were set up to be lived in;
  Beyond that, the island remained as untouched as it was when it was still uninhabited. beyond that, the island remained as untouched as it was when it was still uninhabited.
The vast and empty forest had no lamplight, phones or people passing through at all.To understand just how dangerous a vast and empty forest with no lamplight, phones or people passing through it at all actually is,
  To understand how dangerous it is, you needed to throw off all your street smarts from the city. you need to shift your urban assumptions a little.
Wording changes.
Anyway, if by any chance you fell down a hole in the depths of the forest and sprained your ankle,You see, if by any chance you fell down a hole in the depths of the forest and sprained your ankle...
This is the same error from the top of the chapter. "Anyway" is wrong -- what we have here is supposed to tie with the previous lines, providing justification and further explanation or expansion -- not change the topic with "anyway".
 you could cry or scream, but no one would come save you.cry or scream, no one would come save you.
If it got dark, the forest, where there were no streetlights, was wrapped up in complete darkness.If it got dark, the forest, where there are no streetlights, would become enshrouded in complete darkness.
And also, since it didn't have any guideposts, it would be easy to get confused and lost, losing your sense of direction inside the dark forest.Also, since it doesn't have any guideposts, it's easy to get lost, and inside the dark forest, it's easy to lose your sense of direction as well.
Nowadays, most people see a forest as a peaceful place, Nowadays, most people see a forest as a peaceful place,
but to the people of the bygone eras, before the light of civilization drove out the night, forests were as geographically separated from civilization as the ocean.  Like an ocean above the ground. but to the people of bygone eras, before the light of civilization drove out the night, forests were like oceans on land, geographically separating one culture from another.
Translation fix.
Just like how fishermen who go out into the ocean are threatened despite their technical knowledge...Just as fishermen who go out into the ocean are occasionally put in danger despite their technical knowledge...
Hunters who go out to the forest have technical knowledge as well,...technical knowledge was also demanded of hunters who went out into the forest,
 yet are also in danger. and their lives were occasionally put in danger just the same.
Translation fix.
...If children go play in that dangerous forest, something terrible might happen....If a child were to go play in that dangerous forest, something terrible might happen.
Someone's parents must have thought so.Some parent must have had that thought.
  ...Maybe my Grandmother, or possibly anybody else other than Grandfather might have said that. ...Maybe my grandmother, or possibly, the man himself, my grandfather might have said it.
Or maybe it's been handed down in this island from long, long ago.Or maybe it was a story handed down on this island from long, long ago.
.........There's a terrible witch in the forest, so you must not go in.{i:.........There's a terrible witch in the forest, so you must not go in.}
Thus, Rokkenjima's ghost story was born.Thus, Rokkenjima's ghost story was born.
That is the legend of the witch of Rokkenjima.{n}That is the legend of the witch of Rokkenjima.
That's why, if we say 'witch' in this island, we're referring to the master of the vast and savage forest.So, when we say "witch" on this island, we're referring to the master of the vast and savage forest.
Which reminds me, when I was little and stayed at this mansion, during the eerie nights where the wind and rain struck the windows,Which reminds me, when I was little and stayed at this mansion, during the eerie nights where the wind and rain struck the windows,
 I got terrified by a story that the witch of the forest was roaming around searching for a sacrifice... stories like "the witch of the forest is roaming around in search of a sacrifice" would scare the heck out of me...
Beatrice, {f:5:Beatrice},
was it? ...huh.
.........When Aniki told me and I searched my memory, I was sure I remembered hearing a name like that when I was little..........As I searched my memory prompted by Aniki, I did vaguely remember being told that was her name, when I was very small.
This was just overly literal and missed the nuance.
"...Right."...Riiight.
  Still, I completely forgot that the witch of that legend had an elegant name like Beatrice. Still, I completely forgot that the witch of that legend had an elegant name like {f:5:Beatrice}.
  ......Since us grandchildren didn't believe Grandfather, he went out of his way to have her depicted in this painting?" ......Goddamn, don't tell me Grandfather went out of his way to have her depicted in this painting just because us grandchildren refused to believe him?"
This didn't have the nuance of exasperation towards Kinzo implied by putting め after his name.
"......It's the witch from Grandfather's delusions."......It's the witch from Grandfather's delusions.
  ...Ever since he had this picture hanged, he's been blurring the line between reality and illusion. ...Ever since he had this picture hung up, he's been losing the distinction between fantasy and reality."
In general, the word "illusion" was used far too often in the original translation for 幻想, when "fantasy" would have fit much better. See the answer to this question: http://japanese.stackexchange.com/questions/18356/difference-between-japanese-words-for-illusion-with-%E5%B9%BB


When we talk about someone who goes crazy and violent because he can't tell ______ from reality, the word that fits there is either "fiction" or "fantasy" or "imagination", and certainly not "illusions".


Also in this line, "hung" vs "hanged" (= put to death by hanging execution).
Also in this line, "hung" vs "hanged" (= put to death by hanging execution)."…この絵を掲げた頃から現実と幻想の区別が付かなくなり始めた」
  ......To us, it's no more than the witch from his imagination, but ...to Grandfather, she's a being that 'exists' on this island."......To us, it's no more than the witch from his imagination, but to Grandfather, she's a being who "exists" on this island.
  ......'Exists'. ......"Exists".
  That's why he says he had that picture painted.   So that we'd understand. That's why he says he had that picture painted—so that we'd understand."
  .........And I'm sorry, but she just doesn't exist."".........Hmpf, creeps the hell outta me."
Totally wrong interpretation of ありゃしない! Fixed it up.
"........................Milady."........................Milady.
  ...To the Master, this is an important portrait. ...To the Master, this is an important portrait.
  ......I beg of you, do not say such a thing in front of him." ......I must request strongly that you not say such a thing in front of him."
The word "beg" removed as it causes confusion with the upcoming line.
".........I get it.".........I know that.
  You don't need to beg." You couldn't get me to say it even if you begged me."
Translation fix. She's saying no one could get her, even by begging, to do something as risky as insult Kinzo face-to-face. This conversation is not the reason she's avoiding doing so.
Jessica turned away, after glaring a second at the portrait.Jessica turned away, after glaring a second at the portrait.
"...Let's go."...Let's go.
  We're making everyone wait in the dining room." We're making everyone wait in the dining hall."
食堂 is referred to as "dining hall" not "dining room" almost everywhere in Umineko except for this chapter. Now fixed for consistency.
"Uu-!"Uu!
  Hungry!" Hungry!"
......Only a small portion of this island was controlled by the Ushiromiya family.......Only a small portion of this island is controlled by the Ushiromiya family.
All of the wild remainder...was the witch Beatrice's domain.If all of the wild remainder...was the witch {f:5:Beatrice}'s domain...
Ends in なら in the original, so this should be an if…
......One could say that she was the being who actually ruled over Rokkenjima.......then one could say that she was the being who actually ruled over Rokkenjima.
That slightly unsettling feeling of misfortune that I had felt when I learned the Tutelary God's shrine had been struck by lightning on the boat trip revived within me a bit.That unsettling ominous feeling I had felt on the boat trip, when I learned that the tutelary god's shrine had been struck by lightning, revived within me a bit.
At that time, Kumasawa-san had tried to tell an ominous story about Rokkenjima and had been stopped by Jessica.At that time, Kumasawa‐san had tried to tell an ominous story about Rokkenjima and had been stopped by Jessica.
.........I didn't know what she had tried to tell us about this island..........I didn't know what she had tried to tell us about this island.
But, there was one thing I did know.But, there was one thing I did know.
...Rokkenjima's ruler was not the Ushiromiya family.{n}...Rokkenjima's ruler was not the Ushiromiya family.
It was the witch, Beatrice.It was the witch, {f:5:Beatrice}.
Yes.{n}Yes.
  ......Because this was the witch's island. ......Because this was the witch's island.
"Battler!"Battlerrr!
  Uu-, slo-ow!" Uu, slooww!"
When I looked around, everyone was already heading towards the dining room.When I looked around, everyone was already heading towards the dining hall.
I hurriedly chased after them...{n}I hurriedly chased after them...
We walked up to the huge double doors that led to the dining room.We walked up to the huge double doors that led to the dining hall.
Genji-san knocked.Genji‐san knocked.
"......I have brought the children."......I have brought the children.
  If you will excuse me..." If you will excuse me..."
The door was opened and we were invited inside.The door was opened and we were invited inside.
The dining room, everything in the room looking clearly expensive, was set up with a super-long table which was obviously positioned with no other purpose than to make the guests conscious of their rank.The dining hall, which screamed "filthy rich", featured a super‐long table which was obviously designed with no other purpose than to make the guests conscious of their rank,
  Our parents were already sitting in accordance to that ordering. and our parents were already seated at it in accordance with that ordering.
"You're late, brats."You're late, brats.
  Hurry up and take a seat." Hurry up and take your seats."
The old bastard pressed us to sit.The old bastard pressed us to sit.
Only the places where we would sit were empty at the long table, which only made us feel our tardiness all the more.Only the places where we would sit were empty at the long table, which only made us feel our tardiness all the more.
The seat at the head of the table, called the Incipient's Chair, was for the most highly ranked, reserved for Grandfather.The seat at the very head of the table, which you might call the seat of honor, was for the most highly ranked, and reserved for Grandfather.
お誕生席 is not an Umineko term. The chair has no special Umineko-name. He's just using a recognized Japanese word for a seat of honor at the head of a table. This one causes a bunch of translation fixes.
It was still empty.It was still empty.
...He was probably planning to come in last to ham it up.{n}...He was probably planning to come in last to make himself look important.
The seating order, looking at the Incipient's Chair at the head of the table, went from left to right with the lower ranking seats progressing in rows of two further away from it.The seating order, as you faced the seat of honor, went from left to right in rows of two, with the ranking being lower the further you were from it.
So, on the left-hand side of the first row, closest to the Incipient's Chair, was where Krauss oji-san, ranked at number two, should have sat.So, on the left‐hand side of the row closest to the seat of honor was the second‐ranked seat, belonging to the eldest of the adult siblings—Uncle Krauss.
Honorifics are an unpleasant thing for a natural English translation. Unfortunately, 99% of the time we are *forced* to keep them. Characters have discussions about the honorifics they use, which means they cannot simply be deleted (we are constrained in our edits by the voice work -- this is a translation with original Japanese voicing, not a localization with flexible English dub), and yet nor can they be directly translated in most cases, lest we get the totally-unnatural "Brother George" instead of "George-aniki". However, some cases can be translated. Witch Hunt already uses "Doctor Nanjo" instead of "Nanjo-sensei", and "Miss Kotobuki" in Chiru, among others. For the case of "oji-san" and "oba-san", it appears that we can follow this pattern here as well, and safely translate these two into equivalent English honorifics without a penalty. This should increase the sense of family now that a natively familiar honorific word is used.
.........It looked like Oji-san hadn't arrived yet, so that seat was empty..........It looked like he hadn't arrived yet either, so that seat was empty.
And then to his opposite, on the right side of the first row sat the eldest daughter of the family, Eva oba-san, ranked at number three.And then opposite him, on the right‐hand side of the first row, sat the eldest daughter of the family, Auntie Eva, ranked at number three.
The left-hand side of the second row was for number four.The left‐hand side of the second row was for number four.
There sat my old bastard, Rudolf, as one of the three siblings already present.{n}There sat the old bastard, Rudolf, as the third of the siblings.
Opposite him sat number five, the youngest sibling, Rosa oba-san.Opposite him sat number five, the youngest sibling, Auntie Rosa.
Going like this, you might think that the next ones to come would be their husbands and wives, but...Going like this, you might think that the next ones to come would be their husbands and wives, but...
 It's weird, but the next left-hand seat in the third row, meaning number six, was Jessica's seat.guess again, because the left‐hand seat in the following third row, meaning rank number six, was actually Jessica's seat.
Opposite her was George-aniki.Opposite her was George‐aniki.
Then, next to Jessica, was me,Then, the seat next to Jessica was me,
  And opposite me was Maria. and opposite me was Maria.
Then, finally, next to me on the left-hand side of the fifth row was number ten, Natsuhi oba-san.And next to me, on the left‐hand side of the fifth row, all the way down at number ten, finally came Aunt Natsuhi.
Aunt, rather than Auntie, for Natsuhi. She is more distant to the cousins than the other two (descriptions in this very chapter make that clear). We decided on a term that carried more respect than familiarity.
...Opposite her was Hideyoshi oji-san....Opposite her was Uncle Hideyoshi,
  Next to Natsuhi oba-san, in the sixth row and in the final seat on the left-hand side, was Kyrie-san. and next to Aunt Natsuhi, in the sixth and final row on the left‐hand side, was Kyrie‐san.
The seat opposite to Kyrie-san was empty even though everything had been set out.The seat opposite to Kyrie‐san had been laid out like the others, but was empty.
Clarified that it's also this specific seat that has been laid out and not just "everything (on the table) (while this one was not done and instead left empty)"
According to this ranking system, that spot was the seat where Rosa oba-san's husband should be sitting.According to this ranking system, that spot was the seat where Auntie Rosa's husband should be sitting.
......Even though he wasn't supposed to be coming, his place was made up.......He hasn't come, as far as I know, yet the table had been laid for his seat.
These kind of ranking orders usually recognize the status of the spouse, but the Ushiromiya family had an original kind of ranking.These kind of ranking orders usually permit the spouse a corresponding status, but the Ushiromiya family had an original kind of ranking.
......Maybe it's a leftover of male chauvinism.......Maybe it's a leftover of male chauvinism.
If the system is predicated on the idea that a woman's womb is just a borrowed thing, then the children of direct descent would have a much higher ranking, and the grandchildren would come next.{n}Under the notion that a mother's womb is only a temporary house for the child and she contributes no genes, the children of direct descent would have the highest ranking, followed by the grandkids.
Clarified the concept of 借り物. "Borrowed thing" is extremely vague. This line refers to a specific old school of thought that arises from outdated ideas of genetics.
Meaning that the spouses, with no blood ties, are considered the last in line.Meaning that the spouses, with no blood ties, would be considered the last in line.
......It's terrible, but according to that ranking order, Grandmother, when she was alive, ......It's terrible, but according to that ranking order, Grandmother, if she was still alive,
would have been in a position even lower than mine. would be in a position even lower than mine.
In their youth they obey their father; after they get married, their husband; after aging, their children.In youth, obey your father; after marriage, your husband; after aging, your children.
It's in imperative form.
There's the old saying, 'Women, whether in their past, present, or future, have no home'.A leftover of the times when they used to say, "Women: no home in three worlds".
Long ago, when I was still incapable of figuring all this out,Long ago, when I was still incapable of figuring all this out,
 I'd thought it was so great that we could all chat, with the adult siblings in their group and us cousins in ours. I'd thought it was so great that we could all chat with the adult siblings sitting in their group and us cousins in ours.
  However, now that I can reexamine the seating order after growing up a bit, it stirs up some very complicated feelings in me... However, now that I can reexamine the seating order after growing up a bit, it stirs up some very complicated feelings in me...
Natsuhi oba-san, married to the eldest son of the family and number two in managing the house, sat to my right,Aunt Natsuhi, married to the eldest son of the family, responsible for managing the household, and number two for all practical intents and purposes, sat to my right,
This is different too. Natsuhi is the one in control of managing the house (and the servants). Krauss's job is to earn.
 ...which meant that she was two steps lower than me in the ranking order. ...which meant that she was two steps lower than me in the ranking order.
...It was difficult to guess what was going inside Oba-san's head....It was difficult to guess what was going through her head.
That's why I made a small apologetic gesture before sitting down.{n}That's why I made a small apologetic gesture before sitting down.
"How nice to see you, Battler-kun."How nice to see you, Battler‐kun.
  You've grown quite tall, haven't you?" You've grown quite tall, haven't you?"
"Huhh, ah, yeah!"Huh, ah, yeah!
  I ate and ate and ate meals and before I knew it I got this tall." Normal life—you know, food, meals, eating—then suddenly I was this tall."
The joke here is Battler's use of this VたりVたりVたり structure - all his three verbs are *different* verbs for "to eat" - he words them as *different* incidental actions he was doing during his day or life, when actually it's All Eating All The Time, and he describes it as if he's not aware of this.
This "feigning lack of awareness", is a deliberate set up for Natsuhi to make a playful comeback/jab with HEY, ALL YOU WERE DOING IS EATING!, and when Natsuhi doesn't say any such thing, Battler tells her, hey, you missed the spot where you were supposed to finish the joke! Come on, rib me next time! But Natsuhi doesn't get it, she's too serious.
The structure "ate and ate and ate meals" is not a good match. It makes it sound like he did it deliberately and knew exactly what a pig he was, maybe even with the intention of growing. It's not got any of the "pretending to be naive/innocent" joke in it.
"Boys will be boys, no?"Boys do grow fast, don't they?
  How tall are you?" How tall are you?"
"I guess about 180 cm?"I guess about 180 cm?
  Ah, Oba-san, please, whenever you feel like it, feel free to say 'Stop stuffing yourself!'" No, wait, you missed your moment, you're supposed to jump in with "Did you do anything besides eat?!""
Here the joke is completed.
"Huh?"Huh?
  ......Aah, *giggle*, I'm sorry." ......Ahh, *giggle*, I'm sorry."
Oba-san, after a moment, gave a small laugh, but it seemed she couldn't quite figure out what she was supposed to be laughing at.After a moment, she gave a small laugh, but it seemed she couldn't quite figure out what she was supposed to be laughing at.
This woman is Natsuhi (夏妃) oba-san.This woman is Aunt Natsuhi ({p:0:夏妃}).
She's the wife of the eldest son of the family, meaning she is my father's older brother's wife.She's the wife of the eldest son of the family, meaning she is my dad's older brother's wife.
親父 is too casual a term for father. We'll translate it as dad.
Is it easier to get it if I call her Jessica's mother?Is it easier to get it if I call her Jessica's mother?
...It feels bad to say it like this, but, not that I hated her, I didn't particularly like her....It feels bad to say it like this, but—not that I hated her—but I didn't particularly like her.
She never got into our kids' circle, and she always looked difficult to get along with.  And it didn't help that she gave the impression that she was at odds with the other parents.She never got into our kids' circle, and my only impression of her was as someone who always talked about complicated stuff with my parents while having a crabby expression on her face.
Translation fix.
...The fact is that having barely ever exchanged words, I hesitated a lot about how to approach her....The fact is, that having barely ever exchanged words, I hesitated a lot even just now about how to approach her.
...And I ended up empty-handed....Aaand it was pretty much a flop.
The silverware had been tidily set up on the table, but the meal itself hadn't been brought in.The silverware had been tidily set up on the table, but the meal itself hadn't been brought in.
In essence, until the man at the head of the table had taken his seat, the meal wouldn't start.As a rule, the meal doesn't start until the man at the head of the table has taken his seat.
基本的に implies a general statement.
So, as long as Grandfather, the highest ranked, didn't come, lunch would be indefinitely on hold.{n}So, as long as Grandfather—the highest ranked—didn't come, lunch would be indefinitely on hold.
Not even the appetizers would come. Not even the appetizers would come.
So, while our parents withstood their hunger, the silence of the dining room would still wait for Grandfather to come.In other words, this silence in the dining hall was the sound of our parents as they withstood their hunger and waited, on tenterhooks, for Grandfather to come.
It's just that the Grandfather I remembered, when we ate together like this, always showed up at the right time.Except—the Grandfather I remembered always showed up at the right time when we ate together like this.
...He was supposed to be the kind of person that would never be so late that he'd keep everyone waiting, even though they were all present....He wouldn't ever have been so late as to have everyone else waiting on him.
"Grandfather's pretty late."Grandfather's pretty late.
  ......As far as I can remember, he was always strict about staying on time." ......As far as I can remember, he was always strict about staying on time."
"Well, that might've been true six years ago,"Well, maybe six years ago, yeah.
Jessica speech! Casualize it!
 ...but it hasn't been that way lately. ...But not lately.
  Seriously, he's off in his own little world so often that he doesn't even show up at family meals. Seriously, he's off in his own little world now—he doesn't even show up at family meals.
  ...Even so, I figured that he'd at least stick around for today's meal. ...I figured he'd at least stick around for today's meal, though."
  ...Still, I feel more relaxed and happier without him.""...That said, if he doesn't turn up, I'll be a hell of a lot more relaxed and happier to boot."
Jessica, blunt and speaks her mind!
"...Jessica!""...Jessica!"
After being scolded by her mother, Jessica faced the other way, sticking her tongue out.After being scolded by her mother, Jessica faced the other way, sticking her tongue out.
......No way around it.......No way around it.
Nothing to do but wait for the host to arrive.{n}Nothing to do but wait for the host to arrive.
When I glanced at the clock, I saw that it was almost 12:20...When I glanced at the clock, I saw that it was almost twenty minutes past twelve...
A range of different time formats are used depending on the person. In general, small numbers tend to be written out in words for literature. We won't enforce writing 8:00 all the time instead of just "eight" or "eight o'clock".
The old master of the Ushiromiya head house, Ushiromiya Kinzo (金蔵).The aged master of the Ushiromiya head house, Ushiromiya Kinzo ({p:0:金蔵}).
His shape in his study.{n}He was there in his study.
There's almost no reason to ever translate 姿 literally when it's not modified by some adjective.
The clock showed noon, but he didn't even attempt to get up.The clock showed noon, but he didn't even attempt to get up.
Putting his spectacles on, he piled up one by one beside him old-fashioned books with elaborately designed bindings, and immersed himself in their reading.With reading glasses on his face, he stacked up old‐fashioned books with elaborately designed bindings one on top of another beside him, immersing himself in their reading.
It definitely didn't look like it was for his leisure; on the contrary, he exuded impatience, crisis, as though every minute, every second were precious.It definitely didn't look like it was for his leisure; on the contrary, he exuded impatience, crisis, as though every minute, every second were precious.
The inside of the sealed room, where dense dust danced, stagnated, steeped in the suspicious stench of smelly medicine.The sealed room was dense with dancing dust particles, and the air stagnated with a mix of smells of various elixirs, each giving off its own suspicious stench.
This had some excessive alliteration that led to a pretty confusing garden path sentence, and was missing the word "mix" implying a set of different smells and medicines.
...Somehow, sweet, heavy....They were somehow sweet, and heavy.
Was the translator originally trying to keep up an alliteration? Two more s words in a row… the original isn't like this…
For anyone with a good nose, the first thing they'd do after entering would be to open a window and ventilate the room.For anyone with a good nose, the first thing they'd do after entering would be to open a window and ventilate the room.
The knocking against the study door had been going on for a while.The knocking against the study door had been going on for a while.
A voice calling 'Father' sometimes mingled with the knocks.A voice calling "Father" sometimes mingled with the knocks.
As Kinzo heaved a deep sigh, he snapped the old book he had in his hands shut and slammed it on the table.As Kinzo heaved a deep sigh, he snapped shut the old book he had in his hands, and slammed it on the table.
Then, he yelled at Krauss who was still knocking on the door.Then, he yelled at Krauss who was continuing to knock on the door.
"Silence!!"Silence!!
  Will you not stop that noise, fool!!! Will you not stop that noise, fool!!!
  Who told you the door would open if you knocked!? Who taught you that doors shall be opened unto you if you knock!?
  I'll crucify the imbecile!! They crucified that imbecile!!
He is referencing Jesus. This line was entirely misinterpreted.
  Do you wish to be as well!!??" Do you wish the same upon yourself?!!"
"......Father."......Father.
  Isn't today the annual family conference? Today is the day of the family conference—it comes just once a year.
  Everyone's gathered down there. Everyone's gathered down there.
  Please come out." Please come out."
Krauss called out to his father through the door.Krauss called out to his father through the door.
...Kinzo always shut himself up in the study and hated it when even his family entered the room.{n}...Kinzo always shut himself up in the study and hated letting even his family into the room.
Translation fixes… his family do not enter without his say so. 入れる is transitive and has an object.
For that reason, Krauss had no choice but to call out thus from the corridor...For that reason, Krauss had no choice but to call out thus from the corridor...
"Molest me not!!"Molest me not!!
We had to keep it. :D
  What do you mean by everyone?  Do you mean the fools trying to drag me out of here?!! Everyone? Who is "everyone"?! You refer to the fools trying to drag me out of here?!!"
  Then kill them all!"Then kill them all!
  Dismember them, make them into firewood, feed them to the witch's hearth!! Chop them up, make them into firewood, feed them to the witch's hearth!!
  Put a pot in that hearth and boil wormwood! Put a pot in that hearth and boil wormwood!
  Force the imbeciles who dare try to lure me out of here to drink the broth of the Apocalypse! And if still there remain imbeciles foolish enough to dare try to lure me out of here, force them to drink that broth of the Apocalypse!
  I will soak their dregs in liquor! Preserve the remainder in liquor!"
  Aah, Genji, where are you!?"Aah, Genji, where are you!?
  Call for Genji!! Call for Genji!!
  Have my demonic absinthe prepared! Have my demonic absinthe prepared!
  The whispering of the green fairy reaches me no longer!! The whispering of the green fairy reaches me no longer!!
This line is amazing. Thank you Witch Hunt. The majority of Kinzo's lines are glorious.
  Aah, Genji, where are you?! Call for GenjiiIii!!!" Aah, where is Genji, call for GenjiiIii!!!"
...Before the door, Krauss, Nanjo and Genji kept waiting for the master of the house, who would not come out....Before the door, Krauss, Nanjo, and Genji kept waiting for the master of the house, who would not come out.
"Hmph..."Hmph...
......Looks like he hates me to his core.......Looks like he hates me to his core.
  My voice doesn't reach him anymore." My voice doesn't reach him anymore."
Krauss shrugged as though saying 'It's no use' and smiled bitterly.Krauss shrugged as though saying "It's no use", and smiled bitterly.
...He himself hadn't really believed his father would answer his calls....He himself hadn't believed for a moment that his father would answer his calls.
端から emphasizes *how little* he believed it, but by saying "hadn't really believed", the emphasis was in the other direction, saying that he *had* believed it slightly but not in a totally genuine or convinced fashion. This is an error.
However, as it was the duty of the eldest son, he had formally made the request.{n}However, as it was the duty of the eldest son, he had formally made the request.
"......Kinzo-san."......Kinzo‐san.
  Aren't your sons and daughters and your grandchildren coming to see you...? Your sons, daughters, and grandchildren have come to see you, you know...
  How about you show your face, just a little...?" How about you show your face, just a little...?"
"Shut up, be silent!!!"Shut up, be silent!!!
  Do you admonish me, Nanjo?!! You dare admonish me, Nanjo?!!
  I do not call for you lot, I said to call for Genji!! I do not call for you, I said to call for Genji!!
"lot" is an error. He specifically says 貴様 which is singular and specific.
  Now call for him immediately! Now hurry, call for him this instant!
  Time is short, the apostles are already readying their trumpets! Why do you not understand, you foolish sheep!!" Time is short—the apostles are already readying their trumpets—why do you not understand this, you foolish sheep!!"
Kinzo slammed the old, heavy book on the table over and over.Kinzo slammed the old, heavy book on the table over and over.
The racket obviously indicated his highest displeasure.{n}The racket obviously indicated his highest displeasure.
Kinzo put his spectacles down and flew up from his chair.Kinzo put his spectacles down and flew up from his chair.
He spread his arms wide open, as if to sing to a packed opera house, as if appealing to someone, and yelled.He spread his arms wide open, as if to sing to a packed opera house, as if appealing to someone, and yelled.
"Why?!"Why?!
  Why is there always something in my way?! Why is there always something in my way?!
  I would throw it all away, I would offer up everything, and there is only one thing I ask in repayment!! I would throw it all away, I would offer up everything, and there is only one thing I ask in repayment!!"
Ooh, Beatrice, if I could see your smile but one more time, I would plunder the smiles of the Earth and offer them all up to you!!"Ohh, {f:5:Beatrice}, if I could see your smile but one more time, I would plunder the smiles of the Earth and offer them all up to you!!
  Oooh, commanders of the locust legions, reap the smiles of the Earth, *coughcough*, *COUGH* *kofkof*!!! Oooh, commanders of the locust legions, reap the smiles of the Earth, *coughcough*, *haaack* *kofkof*!!!
  Aah, all is filthy, all is irksome!! Ahh, all is filthy, all is irksome!!"
Why must I suffer this impediment on this most precious of days!?!?"Why must I suffer this impediment on this most precious of days!?!?
  *cough* *cough* *cough* *cough*!! *haaack*kofkofkof*!!
  *cough* *cough*!!! *cough*cough*!!!
  Call for GenjiiIii!!! Call for GenjiiIii!!!
  *cough* *cough* *cough*!!" *haaack*kofkof*!!"
"......I have no idea what he's yelling."......I have no idea what he's yelling.
  I guess he's finally gone nuts." I guess he's finally gone nuts."
"Krauss-san..."Krauss‐san...
  Isn't that a bit harsh, to your birth father..." Isn't that a bit harsh, to your birth father..."
"My father is already dead."My dad is already dead.
Unusually for Krauss, he uses 親父 here instead of 親父殿, dropping the term of respect. So, we dropped it down from "father" as well.
  ......All that's here is a phantom of what Father once was. ......All that's here is a phantom of what he once was.
  At any rate, as long as he has no intention of coming out, there's nothing we can do." At any rate, as long as he lacks the will to leave that room, there's nothing we can do."
".....................Kinzo-san."".....................Kinzo‐san."
Choking coughs continued to pour from the study...Choking coughs continued to pour from the study...
"I'm going back downstairs."I'm going back downstairs.
  ......It would be a waste to let that lunch Gohda's so proud of get any colder. ......It would be a waste to let that lunch Gohda's so proud of get any colder.
  It's one of the few things we can look forward to...in this family. It's one of the few things the others have to look forward to here.
  ...Hmph." ...Hmph."
Krauss spun on his heels.Krauss spun on his heels.
He looked at his wristwatch, mumbling and acting as though he had wasted time doing something he knew would be in vain.He looked at his wristwatch, mumbling and acting as though he had wasted time doing something he knew would be in vain.
"Genji-san."Genji‐san.
  ......Father is calling for you. ......Father is calling for you.
The 殿 is back.
  Keep him company." Keep him company."
".........Certainly."".........Certainly."
"Doctor Nanjo."Doctor Nanjo.
  Let's go eat. Let's go eat.
  ......If we stay here any longer, even our sense of taste will go insane from this sweet smell." ......If we stay here any longer, even our sense of taste will go insane from this sweet smell."
Without waiting for Nanjo, Krauss went downstairs.Without waiting for Nanjo, Krauss went downstairs.
Genji urged Nanjo to go and eat.Genji urged Nanjo to go and eat.
...Nanjo looked first to Krauss's back as he disappeared down the stairs, then to the study door, and he let out a deep sigh....Nanjo looked first to Krauss's back as he disappeared down the stairs, then to the study door, and he let out a deep sigh.
"......Sorry, Genji-san."......Sorry, Genji‐san.
  Please." Please."
"Yes, ......Please leave it to me.""Yes, ......please leave it to me."
"If possible, don't give him alcohol."If possible, don't give him alcohol.
  ......It's too powerful a habit." ......It's too powerful a habit."
"Is Genji not here yet?!!!"Is Genji not here yet?!!!
  Who dares keep Genji from coming?!! Who dares keep Genji from coming?!!
  Aah, Genji, where are you, call for Genji!!!" Ahh, where is Genji, call for Genji!!!"
"Now, "Now,
......please leave it to me." ......please leave it to me."
"...*nods*."...Mm.
  .........Sorry. .........Sorry."
Nanjo gave a small duck of his head and descended the stairs...Nanjo gave a small duck of his head and descended the stairs...
Genji saw him off, and knocked at the study door.Genji saw him off, and knocked at the study door.
".........Master."..........My lord.
  It is Genji." It is Genji."
"Genji?!!"Genji!!
  Why must you make me wait so long?!! Why must you make me wait so long?!!
  There is no one there, I trust?!" There is no one there, I trust?!"
"Yes."Yes.
  I am alone." I am alone."
Kinzo returned to his seat in the study and pressed an old-style switch on the table.Kinzo returned to his seat in the study and pressed an old‐style switch on the table.
...After a small delay, the heavy sound of the door unlocking could be heard....After a small delay, the heavy sound of the door unlocking could be heard.
Kinzo believed that his family might try to break in his study.Kinzo believed that his family might try to break into his study.
Perhaps someone once opened the window for some air and scattered important documents and other stuff?Perhaps someone once opened the window for some air and scattered some important documents or something,
  Is that what made him so nasty? and that had made him extremely upset.
...Now, Kinzo had placed a secure lock in his own room, ...Now, Kinzo had placed a secure lock in his room,
making it so that without his permission nobody could enter, and locking himself in the dungeon he'd created. making it so that without his permission nobody could enter, and locking himself in the dungeon he'd created.
Genji, who he trusted the most, was relatively free to enter the room, but that was also not absolute.Genji, who he trusted the most, was relatively free to enter the room, but even that was not absolute.
If Kinzo was in a bad mood, even he wouldn't be able to enter.If Kinzo was in a bad mood, even he wouldn't be able to enter.
.........Anyone else would be limited to holding a conversation through the door, not even seeing his face..........Anyone else would be limited to holding a conversation through the door, not even seeing his face.
And most of the time, they wouldn't even get a real conversation.And most of the time, they wouldn't even get a real conversation.
However, that didn't become a big problem for the family.However, that didn't pose any particular problem for the family.
Because going to the trouble of speaking to the aged Head, who was impossible to please, completely immersed in his odd research, and always locked up in his hideaway, just wasn't worth the effort.That was because they had no reason to go out of their way to interfere with the retirement of the cantakerous and aged head; the fact that he was completely immersed in his odd research and always locked up in his hideaway was something of a benefit.
The word "retirement" was entirely missed, plus some other changes. ("Worth the effort" is not the same as "had no reason to").
......They were happy that he didn't come out of his study and, putting him in the hands of the servants, they themselves also tried to avoid him.......They made the most of his refusal to leave the study, entrusting him to the hands of the servants, while they themselves kept their distance.
"Genji, my usual."Genji, my usual.
  I'm busy." I'm busy."
"......Yes.""......Yes."
Genji headed to a corner of the study.Genji headed to a corner of the study.
There, a suspicious-looking bottle boasting a venomous color was displayed.{n}There, suspicious‐looking bottles boasting venomous colors were on display.
しあう indicates there is more than one of them.
...It was actually liquor, but, considering that it was placed in this suspicious-looking room, one begins to doubt whether it isn't actually some kind of ghastly poison....They were actually liquor, but considering that they were placed in this shady‐looking room, you could almost suspect that they might be ghastly poisons.
Inside the study, the mysterious collection of books that Kinzo had gathered had grown into a mountain.The inside of the study was filled with the library of outlandish books that Kinzo had amassed, which were piled into a mountain.
They were bizarre ancient or banned books, all of them either forbidden, cursed, or sealed.They were bizarre old books, some banned, and each and every one of them either forbidden, cursed, or sealed.
But then, if one were to call them old books, Kinzo would fly into a rage and say something like this:Of course, if one were to actually call them old books, Kinzo would fly into a rage and say something like this:
"Call them{i:"Call them...}
 Grimoires!"{i:grimoires!"}
There were many mysterious objects, like a candle suspiciously melted and molded into a strange shape, which probably had something to do with black magic.There were candles which had melted in a suspicious‐looking fashion and taken on peculiar forms, and all manner of other strange objects, probably having something to do with black magic.
Translation fix.
The constellations drawn on a certain celestial globe contained quite a few dots that a person who knows the night sky well would tilt their head at.The constellations covering the celestial globe would have caused anyone who knew the night sky well to raise an eyebrow.
"Quite a few dots" is a translation error. Also, replaced a Japanese idiom (head tilting to indicate puzzlement) by a more familiar English one (raising an eyebrow).
The illustrations inscribed in old, casually opened books were all full of religious,The illustrations inscribed in old books, haphazardly left open, ranged from the religious and mystical...
 or possibly demonic, grotesque arcana, as well as the weird shapes of various magical circles.to the demonic and grotesque, as well as bizarre diagrams of various magic circles.
And above all, the sweet, poisonous smell that filled the roomAnd above all, the sweet, poisonous smell that filled the room,
 profoundly assaulted those who entered for the first time in their sense of sight and smell, then all their senses, making them lose their grip on reality ... which to those entering for the first time would surely be a profound assault on their sense of sight, smell, and all their other senses, making them lose their grip on reality...
Inside that study, Genji, with his well trained hand, prepared Kinzo's usual drink.Inside that study, Genji, with his well trained hand, prepared Kinzo's usual drink.
If you didn't know that the ominous dark green liquid that filled the complexly designed bottle was liquor, you really wouldn't want to put it in your mouth.If you didn't know that the ghastly dark green liquid that filled the complexly designed bottle was liquor, you certainly wouldn't want to put it in your mouth.
......He poured a small quantity of the spirits into the glass.......He poured a small quantity of the spirit into the glass,
  After placing a cube of sugar in a strangely shaped spoon, he then poured water from a pitcher over it. placed a cube of sugar in a strangely shaped spoon, and then poured water from a pitcher over it.
Strangely, when the transparent water was poured, the dark green liquid turned a cloudy white.Strangely, when the colorless water was poured into it, the dark green liquid turned a cloudy white.
...It was a strange optical illusion, as though the water had caused a chemical reaction and made the drink become even more unrecognizable as liquor....It created the strange visual illusion that the water had caused a chemical reaction, which made it all the more difficult to perceive the concoction as liquor.
It improved the original flavor Kinzo liked and adjusted the taste.To this, he added an original flavoring that Kinzo liked, and fine‐tuned the taste.
More translation fixes. It seems like the それに at the beginning might have been misinterpreted as "besides" (which was not too important and got dropped) instead of "to this", maybe?
...There was no recipe....There was no recipe.
Its success was measured only by Kinzo's mood swing when he drank it, and he had learned how to make it only after many decades. Its success was measured only by Kinzo's mood swing when he drank it, and he had learned how to make it only after many decades.
Genji placed the glass in the tray, and faced Kinzo.Genji placed the glass on a tray, and made his way over to Kinzo.
Translation fix.
Kinzo was now gazing out the window.{n}Kinzo was now gazing out the window.
".........Here, Master."".........As you asked, my lord."
When the servants speak *directly* to Kinzo, they refer to him as "my lord" (everywhere else as the Master). Reasons: a) お館様 is an old term of address for feudal lords -- google image search it -- it is not just a normal term for "master"; b) "lord" is also used by the Yen Press manga version of Umineko; c) it is distinct from ご主人様 or 主(あるじ) or 旦那様 -- we have too many words translated as Master already, so this one will appreciate some extra flavor; d) there is some canon evidence that Kinzo appreciates being called "lord"; e) I have personally heard people using the term when pretending to be a butler or servant.
"Thank you...""Thank you..."
Kinzo, now unrecognizable as the man who was shouting, screaming and yelling just before, regained his composure.Kinzo had regained his composure—so much so that he was now unrecognizable as the man who had been shouting, screaming and yelling just moments before.
In that man's back dwelt a dignity and intelligence made plain simply by how he tilted his glass and gazed down at the scenery beyond the window.In that man's back dwelt a dignity and intelligence made plain simply by how he tilted his glass and gazed down at the scenery beyond the window.
Genji, in order to allow Kinzo to set down his glass any time, Genji, in order to allow Kinzo to set down his glass any time,
motionlessly waited behind and to Kinzo's left, as though he were a living sideboard. motionlessly waited behind and to his left, as though he were a living sideboard.
Thereupon, while Kinzo looked out the window, he stuck out only the glass. As he did, Kinzo stuck out just the glass, his gaze still directed at the world outside the window.
There was just a mouthful remaining.There was just a mouthful remaining.
It was not a gesture intended to set it upon the tray, as Genji expected, but was an motion to hand the glass over to Genji.It was not a gesture intended to set it upon the tray, as Genji expected, but was a motion to hand the glass over to Genji.
"......Drink it."......Drink it.
  ...My friend." ...My friend."
".....................That is more than I deserve."".....................That is more than I deserve."
"No need for ceremony between us."No need for ceremony between us.
  ......Drink it. ......Drink it.
  My friend." Friend."
Abbreviated, as with the Japanese.
"...............Thank you.""...............Thank you."
Genji respectfully received the glass and inclined it a little to taste its contents.Genji respectfully received the glass and inclined it a little to taste its contents.
After that, he agitated it.Then, he downed it in one gulp.
The Japanese probably uses the wrong kanji here, but this is the intended meaning.
"I attempted to imitate your concoction, but no matter how I try I cannot replicate the taste."I attempted to imitate your concoction, but no matter how I try, I cannot replicate the taste.
  ......The way you make it is pure relish." ......The way you make it is pure relish."
".........Thank you very much.".........Thank you very much.
  It is the fruit of your guidance, Master." It is the fruit of your guidance, my lord."
"Hmph...""Hmph..."
Kinzo smiled at his loyal subject who refused to put aside rank even when asked to.Kinzo smiled at his loyal subject who refused to put aside rank even when asked to.
However, he was not making fun of him; it was relaxed, like a smile at a close friend's unriddable bad habit.However, he was not making fun of him; it was relaxed, like a smile at a close friend's unriddable bad habit.
".........We have grown old together.".........We have grown old, you and I.
  I forgot my age a long time ago." I forgot my age a long time ago."
"Being allowed to live here until now has all been thanks to you, Master.""That I was permitted to live the life I have until today has all been thanks to you, my lord."
Kinzo gave a thin smile, as if to say he didn't need compliments.Kinzo gave a thin smile, as if to say he didn't need compliments.
".........Until now, you have served me exceedingly well.".........You have served me exceedingly well these years.
  ......My sons call me eccentric. ......My sons call me eccentric.
  The servants that were once many, all of them, retired in their growing fear of me. The servants that were once many, all of them, retired in their growing fear of me.
  ......Only you, even now, serve me." ......Only you, even now, serve me."
"...That is more than I deserve.""...That is more than I deserve."
".........I do not have much time left to live.".........I doubt I have much time left to live.
  ......My sons are vultures, lazily waiting for my inheritance to fall into their hands." ......My sons are vultures, lazily waiting for my inheritance to fall into their hands."
"........................""........................"
"That fool Krauss squanders money like water, throws away two gold coins to obtain one."That fool Krauss squanders money like water, throws away two gold coins to obtain one.
  With that, he deludes himself in saying he earned money!! With that, he deludes himself into saying he earned money!!
  Eva is a slave to money, thinking of me as a hen or whatnot!! Eva is a slave to money, thinking of me as a hen or whatnot!!
  As if when I die, she'll even use my carcass to make broth!! As if when I die, she'll even use my carcass to make broth!!"
That dunce Rudolf just wants to fool around with women!!"That dunce Rudolf just wants to fool around with women!!
  Rosa bore the baby of a nobody!! Rosa bore the baby of a nobody!!
  Jessica is incompetent and illiterate!! Jessica is incompetent and illiterate!!
  George has none of what it takes to be a man! George has none of what it takes to be a man!
  Battler is a fool who threw away the honor of the Ushiromiya family!! Battler is a fool who threw away the honor of the Ushiromiya family!!
  And Maria is obscene to the eye!! And Maria is obscene to the eye!!"
Why, why is the Ushiromiya blood so incompetent!?!?"Why, why is the Ushiromiya blood so incompetent?!!
  Is there anyone worthy to inherit the glory I built?! Is there anyone worthy to inherit the glory I built?!
  Aah, of course, I know, this is also Beatrice's curse, I know it!! Ahh, of course, I know, this is {f:5:Beatrice}'s curse, I know it!!
  ...Aah, Golden Witch, is this the revenge you planned for me? ...Aah, Golden Witch, is this supposed to be your revenge against me?"
If you want to hate me, you can hate me!"Hate me if you wish!
  If you want to run away, you can run away!! Run away if you wish!!
Made these more powerful. The presence of a duplicate verb in Japanese isn't necessarily a reason to duplicate it in English, since Japanese has a hard time expressing modals(?) like "wish", "will", "can" etc without repeating the verb because those are expressed as verb inflections.
  I won't let you go, I won't let you go won't let you go won't let you go!! I won't let you go, I won't let you go won't let you go won't let you go!!
  You're mine!! You are mine!!
  You cannot be anywhere but in my arms! You cannot be anywhere but in my arms!
  For all my life! You are my entire life!"
I believe this change is correct… Despite the next line.
  You'll continue to whisper for all eternity in my bird cage to me, only to me!!"You'll continue to whisper for all eternity in my bird cage to me, only to me!!
  Beatrice...... {f:5:Beatrice}......
  Why, ...won't you give me back your smile... Why...won't you give me back your smile...
  OOOoooooh, OOOooOOOoooh...!! OOOoooooh, OOOooOOOoooh...!!
  BeatriceeeEEEeeee!! {f:5:BeatriceeEeEEeeEee}!!
  OOOoooOOOOoohh......" OOOoooOOOOoohh......"
After howling, Kinzo choked once again.After howling, Kinzo choked once again.
Genji set the tray and the glass down and patted his master's back...{n}Genji set the tray and the glass down and patted his master's back...
Genji's facial expression did not change.Genji's facial expression did not change.
.........It was always like this.{n}.........It was always like this.
"............*cough*..."............*cough*...
  Hmhm. Hmhm.
  ............Thank you, my friend." ............Thank you, my friend."
"........................""........................"
The outburst, like his previous agitation, had calmed, and Kinzo regained his composure again.After his almost deranged outburst of the past few minutes settled down, Kinzo regained his composure once more.
...His change of stance was like seeing two different people, a wild Kinzo and a composed Kinzo, living together inside one body....The way his attitude changed was like seeing two different people, a wild Kinzo and a composed Kinzo, living together inside one body.
"And so,"And so,
 ......I have decided. ......I have decided.
These two lines are powerful. I like them.
  .....................I cannot stand spending my dimmed, remaining years procrastinating like this. .....................I cannot stand spending the insipid remainder of my life procrastinating like this.
  If this body of mine is the final coin I have to bet, then I choose to abandon it to the whims of the Demons' Roulette. If I have any final coins left to gamble, then I choose to abandon them all to the whims of the Demons' Roulette."
  ......The power of magic is always settled with a gamble."......The power of magic is always determined by the risk staked upon it.
  Like visiting a shrine at the Hour of the Ox in ancient Japanese sorcery, to nail a curse doll to a tree. Like visiting a shrine at the Hour of the Ox in ancient Japanese sorcery, to nail a curse doll to a tree.
  The magic power dwells in incurring the risk that it will be seen within the seven days the curse takes. The magic power dwells in incurring the risk that it will be seen before seven days pass.
  The more dangerous the risk, the stronger the magic power will be. The more dangerous the risk, the stronger the magic power will be."
Many miracles that happened in myth can be said to be the crystallization of a shocking magic power that had a low probability of happening and an astronomical risk!"All the various miracles that appear in myth can be said to be the crystallization of astonishing magic power, obtained through miraculously low probabilities and astronomical risks!"
  That Moses parted the waters of the sea was not a miracle of God -"That Moses parted the sea was no miracle of God's—
 the risk of that desperate situation, cornered by soldiers on the Red Sea's shores, weighed upon the scales of slaughter, gave birth to the miraculous magic power.it was that utterly desperate risk, weighed upon the scales of oppression, of being cornered by soldiers on the Red Sea's shores, which gave birth to miraculous magic power!
Alchemist edit here, plus translation fixes.
  Even if the same thing occurs again, on same scope, the sea will no doubt not part. Even if the same thing occurs again, on same scope, the sea will no doubt not part."
That is because Moses, instead of betting on incalculable odds in the roulette of those with power, managed to spectacularly draw to himself the single miracle carved within the eyes of many."That is because Moses managed to spectacularly draw out the single miracle carved in the roulette of those in power, which has more pockets than asougi (10⁵⁶) and nayuta (10⁶⁰) multiplied together."
阿僧祇 and 那由多 are usually used metaphorically, but here they were used with their literal mathematical meaning, as can be determined by the presence of the word 掛ける (multiply). Big translation fix.
  That power that can triumph over astronomical odds!!"The power to triumph over astronomical odds!!
  Yes, magical power is that fortune through which miracles are grasped!! Yes, magical power is, in other words, having the luck to grasp miracles!!
  To obtain this mighty magic power, one must face the risk of despair!! To obtain great magical power, one must bear a risk that is hopelessly great!!
  Those who possess no magical power call that desperation rather than a bet! Those who possess no magic would call this not a bet, but pure desperation!"
However, people who truly do possess magic power can grasp hold of that miracle and make the enigma come into being!!"However, those who truly do possess magical power can grasp hold of that miracle and make the enigma come into being!!
  And if that power exists within me...! And if that power exists within me!
  I'll seize that miracle!  I'll have a chance at making the wish I devoted my life towards come true!!" I will seize that miracle, I will be able to make the wish I devoted my life towards come true!!"
Kinzo looked up to the sky outside the window.Kinzo looked up to the sky outside the window.
He spread his arms as if appealing to someone up in the skies.{n}He spread his arms as if appealing to someone up in the skies.
"If only!!!"And if...!!!
  If only I were capable of gaining that miracle!! If I were to have what it takes to obtain that miracle...!!
  .........Oooh..., .........Oooh...
 Beatrice..., {f:5:Beatrice}...
 Beatrice...{f:5:Beatrice}...
  Show me your lovely smile once more... Show me your lovely smile once more..."
  No matter how much time passes, your face does not vanish..."No matter how much time passes, your face does not vanish...
  I just want to see your smile..., that is all...! I just want to see your smile...that is all...!
  I'll return everything you granted me! I'll return everything you granted me!
  I'll return all the glory I've gained since that day! I'll return all the glory I've gained since that day!
  I don't need fortune, prestige, gold!! I don't need fortune, prestige, gold!!
  I'll return everything you granted me!! I'll return everything you granted me!!"
  I just want to see your smile!!"I just want to see your smile!!
  For goodness' sake, Beatrice!! I beg of you, {f:5:Beatrice}!!
  OOOoooooOooh...oOoOOoh...ooh...!!" OOOoooooOooh...oOoOOoh...ooh...!!"
......His nonsensical yells segued into a scream...and then into a wail.......His nonsensical yells segued into a scream, ...and then into a wail.
Kinzo folded over onto the bed, and tore it with both hands.Kinzo crumpled onto the floor, and clawed at it with both hands.
床 almost certainly means "floor" here. The "bed" sense is fairly rare (when ベッド could be used instead) and he is by the window, which is not so close to a bed.
Genji had no choice but to wordlessly watch over his master's lament...Genji had no choice but to wordlessly watch over his master's lament...
"Well, ladies and gentlemen."Well, ladies and gentlemen.
  ......The Head of the family is not in his best shape. ......The head of the family is not in his best shape.
  All of you who have come back together for this long awaited yearly meeting, it is a great shame that he won't be able to partake in lunch with us. He considers it a great shame that he will not be able to partake in lunch with you all, you having assembled especially for this long‐awaited yearly meeting."
  ......Gohda, let the lunch begin.""......Gohda, let the lunch begin."
"Certainly.  I shall begin today's luncheon.""Certainly. Well then, ladies and gentlemen, we shall begin today's luncheon."
"......Doctor Nanjo, is Father's condition that bad?"......Doctor Nanjo, is Father's condition that bad?
  It would have been nice if he at least showed his face, right?" Surely he could have at least showed his face?"
"Rather than his physical condition, it's his mood..."Rather than his physical condition, it's his mood...
  And for that, there is no medicine I can prescribe." And for that, there is no medicine I can prescribe."
"Hey hey, 'mood', you say?  Not that again."Oh, come on, for God's sake, "mood", again?
A bit more frustrated sounding.
  We come to see how he's doing, making time in our schedules in this damn busy season of autumn. We come to see how he's doing, making time in our schedules in this damn busy season of autumn.
  And now that-" That's just—"
"Hmph..., don't complain, Rudolf."Hmph...then you got what you wanted, Rudolf.
  I managed to see how he's doing. I managed to see how he's doing.
Note that this wording "see how he's doing" matches the request exactly from a few lines above. So Krauss's line was changed to be more sardonic to play off that -- "got what you wanted". This is also closer to the original Japanese.
  ......Do you want to take my place, and try to persuade our ill-humored Father to come join us?" ......Or do you want to take my place, and try to persuade our ill‐humored father to come join us?"
"............Are you kidding?""............Are you kidding?"
Rudolf shrugged.Rudolf shrugged.
Apparently, even though Rudolf seemed to resent the way his father did whatever he pleased...he'd rather avoid seeing his father's face if he could help it.Apparently, even though Rudolf seemed to resent the way his father did whatever he pleased...he'd rather avoid seeing his face if he could help it.
"Does it seem like his mood will improve before dinner?"Does it seem like his mood will improve before dinner?
  Krauss nii-san?" Krauss nii‐san?"
"I have no idea."I have no idea.
  You can try and ask Father directly. You can try to ask Father directly.
  ...Although, I think his mood will improve faster if we don't bother him." ...Although, I think his mood will improve faster if we don't bother him."
"The only one who can get Grandfather better is Genji-san."The only one who can bring Grandfather's temper under control is Genji‐san.
  It sucks though, making the servants deal with your own parent's bad mood." Pretty damn pathetic when you have to have a servant to deal with your own parent's bad mood."
A more hostile tone.
"Jessica."Jessica.
  Don't speak out of turn." Don't speak out of turn."
She'd planned for her complaint to be heard only by her cousins, but it had reached even Krauss's ears.She'd planned for her complaint to be heard only by her cousins, but it had reached even Krauss's ears.
Scolded, Jessica scowled and turned away, sulking.Scolded, Jessica scowled and turned away, sulking.
"......His disease can't be that bad, can it, with that kinda temper?"......His disease can't be that bad, can it, with that kinda temper?
  I mean, if he's not healthy, and his mood is bad, at least it's proof he's still hanging on." I mean, if they were saying he's not feeling well that'd be one thing, but if it's his mood that's bad, at least it's proof he's got some fight in him."
This is materially different. Translation fix.
"It's because Grandfather has especially strong willpower."Well, Grandfather does have especially strong willpower.
  ...But, it doesn't mean that his body will always follow that. ...But, it doesn't mean that his body will always follow that.
  Since last year, they keep saying that he has three months left. Since last year, they keep saying that he has three months left."
  ...If the initial diagnosis was correct, Grandfather has been prolonging his life by willpower alone."...If the initial diagnosis was correct, Grandfather has been prolonging his life by willpower alone.
  ......It should be a cause for concern." ......We have to be concerned for him."
Lunch started with the family head's seat still empty.Lunch started with the family head's seat still empty.
...The man who should be sitting there was already old, ...The man who should have been sitting there was already old,
and the brilliant glory which had rebuilt the Ushiromiya family in a single lifetime was being forgotten. and the brilliant glory which had rebuilt the Ushiromiya family in a single generation was slowly being forgotten.
Nobody seemed to feel uncomfortable when the meal began with that seat still empty...Nobody seemed to feel uncomfortable when the meal began with that seat still empty...

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